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  • What happens when a man loses his virginity - PLEASE HELP!

    Discussion in 'The lounge' started by Bokkie, Dec 28, 2005.

    1. Bokkie

      Bokkie New Member

      Hi everybody!

      Can someone please help and answer the following questions I have - PLEASE!
      (I'll tell you my story at the end, why I want to know these things.)

      * What physically happens to the penis when a man loses his virginity by entering a virgin woman?
      (Am I right when I think that the foreskin connected to the head literally breaks lose from the head?)

      * What feeling is experienced when this happens?
      (Pain? and then extreme pleasure? Maybe retraction/ ejaculation at the moment it "snaps"?)

      * Does sex after losing virginity feel different from masterbating? How does it feel different? (or does it feel just like masterbating?)

      * Is it possible for a woman who is NOT a virgin, to take a man's virginity by maybe squeezing the penis tight enough with her hand as it enters her?


      Here is my story (then you'll understand my situation):

      I started dating a wonderful girl 3 months ago, & she is really very special to me. A month or so later, I told her that I love her & would like to share my life with her. She bursted into tears and got very quiet and held back on affection (hugs & kisses etc.). She then said that there is something she has to tell me before continuing (or ending) the relationship. She is not a virgin. She was engaged to an ex-friend of mine & he took her virginity. She told me that she really thought they would get married & share life, so she gave herself to him. Thing is, he started gambling & stole from work & told lies. She didn't want to be with him anymore. I told her that I really love her (she also loves & accepts me as I am) & I accept her as she is.
      She assured me, and I also know it's true, that she's only been with him. I also know him & am comfortable with this situation. I know the reason she did it - was true love - not lust!

      We had sex 3 nights ago, and she really enjoyed it (even complimented me) - it was really very special for her. For me, I also enjoyed it a lot (being my first time - I am still a virgin). It was really very special for me too & I could feel the love between us (not lust). I know she can't take my virginity (give me what she gave her ex), we spoke about it & I accept it. The sex felt just like masterbating. I really enjoy being with her & if that is the way it's supposed to feel, I accept it, but if losing my virginity will bring us more intimately closer together, then I really want to give myself to her in that way (if at all possible). I really want our sexual & intimate love relationship to be very special & would really liked to be helped!

      I'm thinking of her guiding my penis into her vagina & then holding it tight as I enter her slowly, and that way "breaking" my virginity & giving myself fully to her. That's why I'm asking all these questions. So that I can know what feelings to look out for & what to expect.

      Thanking you for reading my posting & for your reply?!

    2. JJreg

      JJreg Active Member

      Hi, these are great questions!

      A really great place to start is with virtually all
      of the books written by Robie Harris.

      The first one I recommend is: It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris.

      Just click that link and you'll be able to get a copy,
      even a used copy, which is quite inexpensive.

      These books were recommended to me by a colleague who's
      also a member of the American Association of Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists,
      and who is the Director of a Planned Parenthood Clinic.

      KSMO veteran Rick has also drafted a detailed reply to you
      and that should be appearing shortly as well.

      Please to continue to post any followup questions and
      comments you may have, as a reply to the posts in this thread.

      Welcome to the Adventure!

      Wishing you and your sweetheart the very best for the New Year!

    3. Rick

      Rick New Member

      >> From: "Bokkie"
      >> Hi everybody!

      Hi Bokkie,

      Welcome to the Forums. One point of order, not getting onto you because
      you probably just are not aware of how the forum works, but you only
      need to post a message in one forum, preferably the one that applies to
      what you are wanting to discuss. After looking at the forums you posted
      this message in, I decided the main chat room was probably the best
      place to respond to this. If not, Jack can move it.

      >> * What physically happens to the penis when a man loses his virginity
      >> by entering a virgin woman? (Am I right when I think that the
      >> foreskin connected to the head literally breaks lose from the head?)

      No, losing one's virginity has nothing to do with the foreskin. A virgin
      is simply someone who has not had sex with another person. Once you have
      had sex, you have lost your virginity.

      A man's foreskin has to be surgically removed. If it were to come off
      during sex, it would be an indication of a real physical problem and
      sickness and need immediate medical attention. The only real way to
      remove it is to go to a doctor and have them do it, short of attempting
      your own cutting...not recommended at all!

      There has always been a big debate about whether men with foreskins
      enjoy sex better than without. I've never had one since I was
      circumcised as a baby, the usual procedure back in the 1960s, so I
      definitely could not say. I know it is good for me and that is all that
      really matters.

      With a woman, that is a little different. A woman who is a virgin has a
      covering of skin over the cervix, I believe spelled "hymen". Usually, a
      woman who is a virgin has not had this broken, and if it is not upon the
      first time having sex, it tends to get broken and she bleeds and is in
      pain for a period of time. Most will recommend that a doctor break that
      for her if it is not already broke for one's honeymoon. I read that in a
      book, and when my wife and I were getting ready to be married, I told
      her to have the doctor do it. The doctor refused, feeling that it was my
      duty to do that. In retrospect, I should have had her go to another
      doctor to get it done, but money was tight and I didn't argue too much
      with the opinion of the physician.

      Then, on our honeymoon night, first time having sex, I broke it. Well,
      she was in pain for the rest of our honeymoon and for a long time she
      unconsciously associated pain with sex. So it was not good and I could
      have beat that doctor over the head for the pain he caused us, not just
      the physical, but the emotional. That's another story and I'm getting
      off on a rabbit trail.

      However, a woman can lose her virginity without breaking it. Some women
      have thicker hymens and it might not break until later. Or the man's
      penis might not be quite long enough to put enough pressure on it to
      break. In any event, it usually breaks on the first time a woman has
      sex, but not necessarily. Whether it breaks or not, it is the act of
      having sex that means she is no longer a virgin, not whether the hymen
      breaks or not.

      At any rate, a man has nothing comparable to that when they lose their
      virginity. All it means is you've had sex. There are no physical changes
      that accompany it.

      I'm assuming this also answers your other questions as well, since they
      were based upon this wrong idea.

      However, I would also suggest that you don't worry too much about trying
      to please her more. What I mean by that is certainly we want to please
      our partners as much as we can, and there are probably things that could
      be done to do that (learning the multiple orgasm trigger is a great
      place to start), but one of the traps we can fall into is focusing so
      much on what can I do to be better that we ignore the pleasure of the
      current time. If you were to go get circumcised, I have no idea whether
      that would increase or decrease your or her pleasure. It is a fairly
      permanent act too that it is probably not worth finding out either. From
      all I've heard, men with foreskins can have just as good if not better
      than without, so I would tend not to go there if I were you.

      Instead, better to focus on enjoying the time you have with her, check
      out things that could help like this site, it can teach you new skills
      that greatly enhance and widen your whole sexual experience. The mind is
      the greatest asset to great sex. Work on that and the rest will follow
      barring some physical limitations and sickness.


      PS: Hi guys, I'm still reading on occasion but I've been busy. Keep up
      the good work.
    4. Andrea

      Andrea Member

      As I side note I have heard that men who have not been circumsciced can on average last longer then circumsciced men because the uretheral nerve (the one that triggers ejaculation) is more exposed in cirumsciced men.

      however a close friend of mine who is circumsciced and is rather notorious among females for lasting a very long time, and he does not practice mmo and such
    5. Zeitgeist

      Zeitgeist Super Moderator Staff Member


      As someone whom has sat both sides of the fence, my experiences are that orgasm is the same experience whether one is circumcised or not.

      Sensitivity may be a slightly different issue; I feel more sensitive having had the operation because much more nerve tissue is exposed.

      However, I have to say that 'in the moment' none of these are particularly important issues!!

      Much more important is the connection with the person with whom one is making love; either oneself or a significant other. IMHO.


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