Posting for my wife. She definitely has
some buried "issues" around sexual
energy (she is working with a great
therapist but lately most of her sex stuff is
deep enough to be out of reach) but also
has pretty unbalanced hormones at the
moment. Hot flashes and insomnia etc.
Had hysterectomy about 10 years ago
and very little sex drive since. She likes
the intimacy and occasionally gets
aroused even has an orgasm but has
zero spontaneous interest.

When she makes the key sound, nada.
Zip. After awhile she gets bored and
quits. We tried with me giving her a bit of
stimulation and she liked what I was
doing and had some response to that but
when she make the KS, again just dead
air.

Any suggestions how to get her started?

Hey Levingo,

I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through such a rough time. I wish you both the best of luck in dealing with these difficulties. Emotional issues (furballs) around sexuality are definitely a sign to take it easy in (or even postpone) this practice. We always recommend seeking professional counseling in such circumstances. I'm glad she already has an excellent therapist, and hope she will continue to get the assistance she needs in this area.
Other aspects you mentioned certainly can play a part in her having some difficulty with the Key Sound. Aside from the hormone imbalances and hysterectomy, the first and foremost issue is the insomnia. A very common block in this practice is fatigue. If you are tired and lack energy, you'll have little energy with which to feel the Key Sound. Personally, I've been practicing for over 3 years, and normally have no trouble experiencing all the MMO's I want. But when I've had little sleep, or am generally tired, I rarely have any success in my sessions. So I think the first step in assisting your wife, is finding ways for her to get more sleep and feel more rested before practice.
Also, I recommend that once her sleep schedule has improved somewhat, that she begin with solo practice, whenever she feels most energetic for a session. This may make it easier for her to find those times when she is most capable of feeling the Key Sound. In the meantime, you of course, can continue your own progress and perhaps improve your ability to share that new found orgasmic energy with her.
Of course, it is most important that she first feel comfortable enjoying sexual pleasure and a desire to grow in that direction. If she has extensive issues around this subject, it is best that she give herself plenty of time and therapy to address those feelings, before attempting to move forward in this practice. Although KSMO can certainly amplify the erotic potential within you, it can also bring out any negative feelings around pleasure as well. It is never a good idea to attempt to use KSMO to, "push through," these kinds of feelings. It is best to spend time, "clearing a path," for these new pleasures first.
On a personal note, when I began practice, my wife had similar issues and was also in counseling. I chose to practice solo for about 6 months, developing my own orgasmic capacity while she continued her therapy. Eventually, I was able to share the wonderful new changes in myself with her and she was in a better place to receive them. Developing these pleasures in myself first, made it easier for us to begin our practice together later on. If your wife does not feel ready to begin just yet, perhaps she will later on and you will be in a better position to help guide her in that journey.
I hope this has been helpful. Please feel free to keep us posted on the path you choose to take in this matter, and let us know if have any other questions or comments.

Best Wishes,

Pan :-)

A couple of quick points.

"Any suggestions how to get her started?"

It is not clear in your message. Does your wife "want" to get started,
does she care to do this, and if so, how much?

I am in complete agreement with Pan...

"Of course, it is most important that she first feel comfortable
enjoying sexual pleasure and a desire to grow in that direction."

Thank you for your kind words and
suggestions. She is interested. Fatigue
is an issue but she has had insomnia off
and on for at least 10 years (since
hysterectomy). Maybe a window will open
there as we continue to play the hormone
game. Various combos of naturals and
herbs etc.

I so suspect a sort of always already fired
circuit breaker or something like that.
Reckon we'll just go slow and when the
timing is right it will happen. I'm definitely
not the pressure applying type so I think it
will be fine. Just looking for any ideas to
get her feeling a bit of echoes as I think
that might highlight issues enough to
access them for therapy. As it is, the
"fur-balls" are things are in mostly pretty
dormant and we just know they are there
by inference. She's definitely game for
this approach. Lot of process experience
and willingness...

Hi Again,

I'm glad to hear that your wife is interested in learning KSMO. Certainly, that's the first step. I feel that her unique situation will require some extra time and patience, but I see no reason why she would be unable to successfully practice this technique like anyone else.
You mentioned that she is able to feel arousal and at times, achieve orgasms. That's also very encouraging. If you could tell us at what times or under what conditions, she feels most capable of feeling pleasure, that would be a helpful step in developing a plan for her practice. The general consensus is, if she can feel ANY sort of arousal, she can probably learn KSMO. You may want to listen the audio interview in the home page, with Robert S. Although he is a man, his story may offer some inspiration for both of you.

You said: "I so suspect a sort of always already fired
circuit breaker or something like that."

Could you clarify that a bit? I'm a little unclear on what you mean.

You also mentioned: "Just looking for any ideas to
get her feeling a bit of echoes as I think
that might highlight issues enough to
access them for therapy."

I think this is ok. Although I would make the goal regarding her feeling Echoes, just feeling the Echoes themselves. Certainly, any negative feelings (furballs) that surface, would be sign to slow down or stop and take time to address them in a supportive environment. So there is some therapeutic potential there. But I can't recommend using KSMO for therapy, in and of itself.
About the insomnia, that may be tricky. As I said, the best thing I can recommend would be for her to time, as best as possible, her sessions to her most peak energy levels in the day. I have also had insomnia quite frequently over the last 10 years, and it has been one of the most difficult challenges in my practice. As an off-handed suggestion, I have found that audio Cd's which use Alpha and Delta brainwaves, can be very helpful. I would recommend the, "Brainwave Suite," available at amazon.com.
As a final thought, I would just like to say again that as your practice progresses, your ability to share your new orgasmic energies with her, will most likely grow. Hopefully, over time, this will assist her in her own practice and enjoyment of pleasure as well.
I think that's all I have for now. Please let us know how things are going with each of your practices, and feel free to ask any questions or share your experiences. If at all possible, I would also like to recommend you and/or your wife try attending some of the regularly scheduled live chats held on alternating Thursdays and Saturdays. There, you can get help from Jack himself, who has developed quite a knack for helping folks learn this over the years.

Best of Luck to You Both,

Pan :-)

Hi levingo

Excellent advice there from pan, I just wanted to add that my wife has also experienced great levels of fatigue over the last few years, totally down to night time feeding of one child after the other (we have 2 - both very young & the youngest has had eczema which has resulted in a really serious lack of sleep all round).

This is beginning to improve now that our youngest is sleeping through now but I wanted to share with you the following thoughts;

I suggest 3 things..

1. Turn massage into an art form - just make so much time for her that she feels utterly pampered. That will de-emphasise any pressure she may feel to have echoes - paradoxically that pressure can be a form of despair which can prevent good feelings
2. Do whatever you can to prevent her from feeling like she has to 'get it taped' ie learn quickly - let her know there is all the time in the world.
3. Try guiding her through the Chi Kung inner smile meditation - again the goal is not to produce echo effects but just to give a very subtle form of pleasure.

I believe that in order to manipulate energy one must first have some energy to work with & it may take time but that the rewards will be great for both of you.
Also because you care for her feelings you may be feeling pressure on yourself to help her quickly & she will most certainly pick this up.

I'm sure that you are on the case with much of what I suggest as you sound like a gentle & decent guy, I'm no therapist but I hoped you might draw something positive from my own direct experience.

Bilko - chat regular (on saturdays anyway due to time zones).