Hey all,

I am very new to this forum and the KSMO technique, but already since I have begun practicing some major issues around sex have bubbled up for me and are causing all kinds of difficulties and downs.

Is here a safe place to talk about these issues?

Thanks,
J

Hello JWsp,

Welcome to the forum!

>I am very new to this forum and the KSMO technique, but already since I have begun practicing some major issues around sex have bubbled up for me and are causing all kinds of difficulties and downs......Is here a safe place to talk about these issues?<

Emphatically yes!

I expect you have already had a look around the forum. If so I doubt that you have seen many, or any, unhelpful, disparaging, or abusive posts. If you would hope to get sympathetic, understanding and helpful discussion regarding any issues to might wish to raise arising from your KSMO practice, I think you will find no better place than here.

Most of us, as newcomers, have received a nice welcome from Jack or our First Lady, Laly. So don't delay - tell us about the changes your KSMO practice is bringing to you.

Mog.

Hey mog and thanks - Laly certainly did welcome me warmly here.

I grew up with phimosis - a condition where the foreskin of the penis does not retract. In my case it would not retract at all. I did not realise this to be unusual for many years. By age 16 I had had a couple of sexual partners - and I had never really been able to physically feel anything with them - so it was difficult to get physically aroused with them, and I would end up just giving and never receiving (not due to unwillingness on my partners' account, simply because it would never work and I would feel down about it).

So I already had a pretty negative association with sex by then, and started, I think, to subconsciously sabotage my chances of intimacy with other women out of a fear of facing this issue.

Eventually I clued onto how the state of my foreskin was not the usual state of affairs, and saw a health professional. I ended up getting a circumcision (a traumatic few weeks in its own right!) at age 18.

And as much as I hoped that would solve my problems, I still had/have a huge negative association with sex due to my past experiences -with no new positive ones to counteract them.

And so, as the years go on, and people grow more and more comfortable with their sexuality, getting partners, enjoying intamacy, feeling confident in themselves, etc.. I am still left with this horrible mess of old negative association. And of course as others grow more confident, there becomes more a gap - they accumulate experience and talent which further drains my confidence 'in comparison' to other men. It makes me just 'not bother' with relationships and women.

I just don't know how to shift this sense of low self-worth in this area of my life. I have attempted using NLP, reframing, everything, but it is all so 'intellectual', it is not the real healing I need.

Everytime somebody I know, close to me or otherwise, mentions sex in regards to their partner, somebody they have met (shallow or profound), I just feel sick and close off.

I am a twenty year old man, but with this piece of bad psychology, I certainly don't feel it.

When I began the KSMO programme, on my second session, for some reason a thought of an old girlfriend came to mind, and it bought up a lot in the themes of rejection and low-worth, and soon thereafter the whole shadow-self became conscious - seeing how this issue affects how I see myself sexually, socially, mentally.

I don't know what else to type, now. Thank you for reading this far.
If anybody would like to share anything they consider helpful, feel free to.

Thanks,
J

Hi J, welcome to our online community, and thank you very much for sharing such painful information.

It is well beyond the scope of our informal discussions here to directly address the serious issues which you are describing.

We of course are here to provide you friendly support and encouragement in seeking professional help to resolve these issues so that you may move on in your intimate life, and in your Multiple Orgasm Trigger practice.

Fortunately, in the general area where you live, there are a number of very gifted therapists who are specifically trained and professionally certified for helping you with the very issues you are describing.

These are my esteemed colleagues who are members of the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).

With your permission, and without revealing your actual identity, on the AASECT members professional listserv, I'd like to post the link to the public post you have made here and ask of them who in your geographical area may be qualified to help you heal these deep issues.

Once I receive a reply from them, I will communicate that information to you privately.

Meanwhile, according to our Multiple Orgasm Trigger Protocol, when these emotional furballs (i.e. painful old memories, wounds, associations, etc.) come to the surface, it is a signal to temporarily pause your Multiple Orgasm Trigger practice and get the professional help you deserve.

Although I am urging you to pause your active practice while you arrange for professional assistance with your healing, you of course are very welcome to continue to post here and to dialogue with me and the other members of our community, for informal support in your journey.

Once you get that professional support in place and begin to feel some relief from your distress, then is a more appropriate time to resume your active practice of the Multiple Orgasm Trigger protocol.

Ignoring this advice (based on many years experience) is akin to continuing to drive your car with the oil warning light on.

I think you understand what I mean.

Laly and others here I'm sure will attest to the wisdom and prudence of your taking this action immediately.

I understand that you feel discouraged based on past experiences in seeking help, but the professionals in AASECT are specifically trained and under clinical supervision to most effectively assist you with sexually-related matters. It is their specific field of specialization.

These people are the very best at helping you with issues of sexuality.

Wishing you the *very* best that life has to offer - one step at a time - one day at a time,
Jack

Thank you for the quick and caring reply, Jack.

However, I am based in the United Kingdom. I don't suppose there is anybody there you would happen to recommend? If not, I will have a look myself.

Thanks again,
J

J, You are quite welcome!

Please let me know by email where you are specifically located and I will add that to my AASECT listserv post.

AASECT is actually an international organization, and they also often attend international conferences and maintain active contact with highly skilled colleagues in these other areas.

Just send me an email with details and I will make the post immediately.

Wishing you all the best!
Jack

Hey J, welcome to the forum!


You did me a service - I had this and did not know the medical name for it.


I'm sorry to hear that J...


That sounds about right...


This happened to me at age 13... so I can empathise...


I can understand that....


I can understand why you think that having experienced similar situations...




H'mmm, this is not the NLP I know... however, it can understand how it can be intellectuallised..

Having said that, as a first consideration, have a look at www.emofree.com. As a second consideration, please think and feel about contacting a professional counsellor to help you along that path. Know that you are valued by others even though it may not be apparent to you right now.



From NLP; This is a typical see-feel circuit. How would you like it to be...?


I appreciate where you are J. What would it be like to be valued?


This is a classic by product of KSMO in terms of self-healing that has already begun for you; Realisation of what needs to be done. Now.. what stops you?



Thank YOU for being brave enough to share this with the community. It takes a lot to vocalise what's deep inside. I'm sure other members will share their thoughts and resources.

You're VERY welcome J!

Z

I can't add much that is helpful in addition to what everyone else has said, other than that I can kind of relate.

I've a number of sexual issues that erode my confidence to this day. Like you, every time someone mentions sex, or even a relationship these issues come to mind, without fail. Undoubtedly these issues spill over into other areas of life. In fact, it might explain just about every thing that I notice in my behavior that could be called abnormal. The actual problems are cosmetic as far as I can tell. I'm a virgin(25 years old, and plan to stay that way until I get married) so I haven't had the chance to test everything in the real world.

With me, and it seems with you, we hold back out of fear. But we can't live in fear. It's hard to fight it, but I think you have to acknowledge your fear then decide to ignore it, kind of like "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!" Anyway if you really put a lot into a relationship and really make the girl feel loved, then she will probably overlook sexual shortcomings(which probably are non-existent anyway). That's me totally hypothesizing, but it makes sense doesn't it?

Thank you for the replies, everybody. I appreciate the kind responses from the many here.

I am looking into EFT, have started reading the free manual today.

"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"

Aye, Cap'n.

Jack

JWsp...

I have just emailed you with a contact person who is very highly qualified, located in your general area. If your exact location is too remote to be practical, please contact her, mention my name and that I'm an AASECT member and ask her for suggestions in your area.

Bredelly, I am likewise emailing you contact information in your area for getting qualified professional assistance.

These are people are professionally trained to deal specifically with issues related to sexuality and relationships, including issues from childhood.

For general reference to all readers in addition to the AASECT home page shown above and in this paragraph...

Here is a direct link to the AASECT International Directory.

For areas in the world that do not yet list certified AASECT members, contact The World Association for Sexual Health.

Please keep us posted here as to how it goes. i.e., please bookend with us the steps you are taking on behalf of your personal emotional healing and growth!

Wishing BOTH of you the very best your continuing healing adventure!
Jack J