Got the course many months ago (8?, 9?). Had what I would
call mild to moderate MMO within a few weeks but hit
plateau due to physical tension. Of course the physical
tension had to be coming from somewhere! Gradually lost
interest in practice as was experiencing "lack of pleasure"
from the pleasure! So much like the rest of my life!!!

For probably 30 years I have known I had some unusual
mental/emotional "block" that others don?t seem to have.
Emotionally disassociative, very jumpy, terror response to
being tickled. Last few years have come to the conclusion
that it was some form of PTSD from very early
childhood/infancy but no more than that. No access.

About the time I quit practice, my jumpy, startle reflex
got MUCH worse. Couldn?t stand to have my wife stand
behind me when brushing my teeth. Then could hardly stand
to be touched. Sorry Dear, no sex for awhile. Crips.
Good thing she is a wonderful and supportive person. Still
don?t have any handle on the origins of this, but there
seems to be very slow progress in working through it. The
KSMO practice seems to have been the key to cracking the
resistance that has kept it buried for my entire life and
now I at least have a bit more access to the feelings that
were under there.

Have done lots of various therapy and meditation for many
many years. Currently doing EMDR and hypnosis which seems
to be helping the process. Maybe. Still a lot of
resistance and I tend to lock down and disassociate when
get too close to the issue so EMDR is a bit tricky as we
can?t really find anything to target directly and if we get
close, shut-down. So we are slowly circling in using art
as an approach path.

Got inspired by Jack?s latest summary/overview of protocol
to go back and practice a bit again. One session,
yesterday. Felt more relaxed and less tension than
previously but still quickly ran into lot of muscle
contraction and my old wall, just not quite as solid a
wall.

So, seems good to me. Just wanted to post this as it is a
story of a life time, life blocking fur ball that was
untouchable until this practice made it available.

Thank you Jack, I think

Geoffrey

hi geoffrey, thanks for sharing your situation with the rest of us. i go through periods of feeling almost frigid, it comes and goes depending on what has come up from my psychy. i find ks seems to bring things to the surface really quickly for me. and i have to slow down on my practise to give myself time to process them and let them go.
i have alot of muscle tension and an irritable bowel that tightens up on me. i have found over the years that magnesium really helps to relax those spasms. magnesuim taurate works best when my mind is involved, gut spasms i use magnesium butyrate. i also use standardized siberian giseng to chill my stress levels along with slow deep breathing. there are a series of cds from brain sync that use frequencies to help relax etc. i have the one for sexual desire and quite like it.
glad to see your posts! are we not about the luckiest folk on the planet to have found something so healing and liberating. stick around and enjoy man!
cheers, angus

Whew!! I'm ba-a-a-ck....

Just went back and re read a bunch of my history here. VERY informative. I'd had indeed forgotten much of what I experienced, sort of erased a lot of the positive. Not an unusual pattern for me. Poisonous, inherited mental habits.

Time for a quick update which I will try to summarize because fascinating as I am to myself typing isn't all that much fun :

Hit a wall way back awhile ago; years!!! Started to actually be repelled by pleasure in a funny sort of way. No reinforcement in it and started to even become averse. I'm talking all except maybe eating and sleeping. Became increasingly jumpy, aggravated startle reflex etc. Finally got so could not tolerate even eye contact from across the room w/ my wife. Eventually realized that really what was "up" was PTSD from prenatal, birth and early infancy medical trauma. I'll spare all the details but suffice to say, nervous system lock-down in red alert mode totally reactivated. No supplements, herbs, therapies, even drugs did much of anything to alleviate. Pretty much a downhill spiral for at least 18 months maybe 2 years. Yoiks! Bless my wife for her long suffering patience!!!!!

By a chain of fortuitous events, intuitive flashes and an actual numinous epiphany (if I may be so dramatic and poetic) I found a woman to work with in my area who has been studying/working with trauma and locked up systems since the mid 60's. She has studied with all the notables (Levine, Emerson, etc) and their teachers--Charlotte Selver was her main "root guru" in this. Pure genius. Very subtle and delicate awareness work that has lead me to appreciate even more the value of the "relaxed, natural, valley breathing" part of KSMO practice.

There are so many ways to interrupt the natural flow of breathing it is amazing. And when you yourself are doing it, of course it is generally out of consciousness and semi-automatic. The trick is to slow down and let go of deliberate doing enough to be able to notice. Noticing and then just gently holding the awareness there without blocking whatever is occuring seems to be key.

After not practicing KSMO for probably a year or more (several periods of practice and lay-offs in the past) I have been at it again for past several weeks). This morning got it really rolling for probably 20 minutes or so and then felt fatigue creeping in a bit so let it subside and stop for breakfast and start the day.

Worth noting--it does seem that testosterone levels have a significant effect on intensity and ease of accessibility of the energy. I have been very very low on T to the point where I recently needed to get some medical help for it. Now injecting chorionic gonadotrophin 3 times per week and that boost natural production (if you are still capable of it) and that is working well and has made a noticable difference in many areas besides KSMO practice!

Recent radical diet change has helped energy levels and overall well being a lot as well.

Another thing worth noting is that at least at this point in my practice, the difference between non-ejaculatory orgasm and PONR crossover is a pretty fine line. I seem to repeatedly get to a point where it could go either way and part of me really wants to push it over the PONR line and "go for it" but the other part prevails (so far) and a key sound followed by complete relaxation and letting go send the energy here there and everywhere except out the short cut. Afterwards no feeling of congestion or stuckness either physical or energetic at all, so that is good.

I reckon that's plenty for now...

No ideas, eh? Well day 4 after ejaculation and I finally made it back over the first "activation hump" from echos to rolling orgasm land. Interesting process to be sure. Subtle investigations of playing "where's Waldo" with my sexual energy. Seems to have been profitable as what happened today had a subtlety that was lacking before. Maybe the lower energy level, slowing me down, allowed some previously blocked channels to open...