Gold Nugget - Vipassana meditation retreat - detailed description of a ten-day retreat experience

As requested by Valentine and Laly: below is an article that I have just completed about my time at a 10-Day Vipassana Meditation course. It has been written in 'Question & Answer' fashion, inspired by the many questions that I was asked by my close friends and family once I had completed the course.

Enjoy. Questions and feedback are welcomed.





This is an article about my time at a 10 Day Vipassana Meditation Retreat. I appreciate that some readers may be students of the Vipassana Meditation Retreat and other readers’ may simply be curious seekers. An obvious warning for those who are interested in the technique and have yet to experience it, these are my perceptions and my perceptions alone. Do not form judgments or expectations based on what I have written. Theory and intellectualizations never substitute experiences and actions. However, I will endeavour to do my very best in presenting my own experience and motivating you to seek your own experiences of Vipassana and meditation. If you are desperate for more information about Vipassana, go to:

Vipassana Meditation Website

Why did I want to learn meditation?

Meditation became an interest for me through my growing fondness and study in ‘New Age’ spirituality. I had been listening to a lot of material by Abraham-Hicks and was intrigued by the process of ‘blending’. ‘Blending’ was a term used by Abraham-Hicks to describe the process where self and Self realize as One. The ‘self’, the mind-identified ego-dependent ostracized part of who we’ve been defining ‘ourselves’ as, and ‘Self’, the highest self, our true self, that part of us which connects us to everything, the source of intuitive guidance, the source of love and joy, God and Soul. The realization of Self brings joy and love to the individual as the individual recognizes themselves as the very joy and love that they seek.

Meditation has thus become a journey and a path for this realization. Meditation requires a stillness of the mind, a quietening of the mind to reconnect one’s self with the subtle yet all-powerful and ever-present Self. My meditations for much of 2007 had been very noisy and interrupted by my very dear yet very active mind. I did not really know what it felt like to be in a ‘meditative state’ or what it felt like to be ‘still’. I had glimpses of the two but I knew the glimpses were not enough to quell the doubt that had grown.

How did I learn of Vipassana Meditation?

Early last year I took a 3 month trip touring most of South East Asia. Before I had left for the trip I had begun to express an interest in meditation and had read about the physical, mental and emotional benefits that consistent meditation can bring about. I did not know where to start and decided that I would postpone my attempts to meditate until after I had returned from my overseas adventure.

As my girlfriend and I were touring through Bangkok Thailand we had stumbled across a quaint vegetarian café in our quest to quench our insatiable desire for Lebanese food. Ethos café served Chai tea, hommous and falafels for under 100B ($4AUD) and best of all, they offered free Wi-fi (wireless internet) for customers. That was all that I needed to keep me coming back over and over again.

One evening as I sipped on Chai tea, I wandered over to the book shelf and noticed many books covering Eastern religion and New Age spirituality, two topics which I had a growing interest in. I started a conversation with the owner of the restaurant Gary, who just happened to be from Sydney Australia (my home town). I complimented him on his selection of books, which had included one of my favourites, Don Miguel Ruiz’s ‘The Four Agreements’. The conversation continued to flow and moved to the subject of meditation and meditative techniques. Gary was a student of Vipassana meditation and had been practicing the meditation for a few years. He was very passionate in his description of the technique and the benefits that he had experienced from the technique. It was a synchronous conversation, a conversation that “I was meant to have”. The seed was planted!

When I returned from South East Asia I had begun to meditate for 10-20 minutes here and there. Every time I sat down I felt that my mind was incredibly noisy, but despite that my mind always managed to point to one particular thought, “Vipassana meditation”. In September I set myself the goal to attend the 10 Day Vipassana Meditation Retreat and committed myself to the goal by January 2008. From February 6th to February 17th 2008 I had gained the experience of Vipassana meditation.

What is Vipassana meditation?

“Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation. It was rediscovered by the Buddha (Siddharta Gautama) more than 2500 years ago and was taught by him as a universal remedy for universal ills.

This non-sectarian technique aims for the total eradication of mental impurities and the resultant highest happiness of full liberation. Healing, not merely the curing of diseases, but the essential healing of human suffering, is its purpose.

Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observations. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion.

The scientific laws that operate one’s thoughts, feelings, judgments and sensations become clear. Through direct experience, the nature of how one grows or regresses, how one produces suffering or frees oneself from suffering is understood. Life becomes characterized by increased awareness, non-delusion, self-control and peace.”

I could not have said it much better myself. The above passage was taken from Description of Vipassana Meditation, where more information on the teacher, S.N Goenka, and the Course can be found; and Introduction and Code of Discipline for meditation courses, where more information on the Code of Discipline and Schedule can be found. The teachings, food and accommodation are all given free of charge; the centre is funded by the generosity of students who have donated once completing the course. This, to me, is a great testament to the efficacy of the course.

OK enough talk! So what was it like?

Wednesday, February 6th, was a good day. The sun was shining and the clouds sparse, something rarely seen this summer. Up until this day I was careful not to develop expectations or fears for the course. Keeping with this effort I chose to drive my car to the meditation centre to keep my mind somewhat engaged and away from over-thinking and over-analysis. The drive was great, and the venture into the mountains rather symbolic. Massive storm clouds, of all shades black and grey, coloured the horizon and blanketed the mountains. It was not long before the sunshine disappeared only to be replaced by the storm’s torrent.

It was the biggest storm I had ever driven through. Visibility was extremely poor. Rain hit the cars heavily, hail bounced off the windscreens and panels, parts of the road flooded. I chose to drive slowly through the storm while other cars had pulled over waiting for the storm to blow over. Luckily I had an ally, the truck in front of me I used as a guide through the storm. I also noticed that the driver was using his (or her) hazard lights to warn me when the road had been flooded, how nice! Slowly, it receded and I had made it through. Intuitively I felt this to be a great preview of things to come and now in hindsight, I was spot on.

The course was emotionally tough and very demanding. Consistent with the above imagery, the course guided me to see the intense emotional storm that had raged inside of me (for Eckhart Tolle enthusiasts, “the emotional pain body”). Before the course I had been far too distracted to notice it, and had often wondered why I would shift into negative emotions with little to no obvious reason. With ten hours of meditation and very little distraction, attention is taken away from the past and the future, and directed to the present. The reality of my present moment, my present reality, was not as pretty as I had thought, tainted by an emotional storm filled with anger, anxiety and frustration. The Vipassana meditation technique was my guide through the storm and the end-of-day discourses/teachings were the ‘hazard lights’, the warnings for what was to come. Moment by moment I was led into the vast and natural realm of inner peace and stillness.

You couldn’t speak at all?

“Adios”, was my last word as I entered the hall for the first instructions from the teacher S.N Goenka, through audio and video-taped lessons. After the first meal, and after I had deposited my valuables (wallet and mobile phone) for safe keeping, I had only an hour to get acquainted with my fellow meditators (males and females were segregated promoting and enforcing celibacy). I was shown to my room, a dormitory, and found that I was to be sharing it with eight other guys, all of whom were ‘new students’. There was a lot of nervous energy bouncing around the room as the reality of ten days of silence, meditation and contemplation began to sink in.

Noble silence, silence of the body, speech and mind, began the night of Wednesday 6th of February and wasn’t to end until lunchtime Saturday 16th of February. This meant no speaking, no communicating with body language, no eye contact with other meditators, no reading and no writing. Was this hard? Not at all! At first this seemed quite daunting as I, like all others, had become very used to communication of all types, but soon realized that the silence was a nice change. There were however scheduled Q&A sessions with the assistant teacher, and meditators were also allowed to approach an appointed male manager with any concerns regarding physical comfort, food and accommodation.

Some people could not handle the silence. The first few days were very revealing; with the distractions removed everyone began to face the music. One particular boy, a 17 year-old who I later found out was there because his girlfriend was in attendance, began to struggle. I could feel him searching for eye contact, searching for communication hoping in vain that someone would break the silence with him. At the end of the first night I could hear the unmistakable clicks of a mobile phone. With the lights out I looked over to his bed and with the help of the blue glow from his phone saw the face of this boy in trance, much like one a dog would make looking at a luscious slab of steak. It was the look of a boy searching for something to hide his pain and anxieties.

The next morning (Day 2) the male manager was alerted to the disturbance (of silence) and the boy was called in for a meeting. I assume he surrendered his mobile phone to avoid further distraction from its lure, and by the end of Day 3 he was the first of two casualties from our dormitory. By the end of the course, from a group of approximately forty guys five had given up and left early; and of those five most had left by Day 4. So yes you can leave earlier if you want to, however, from the onset it had been highly recommended for the meditators to complete the ten days, and now in hindsight I am glad I had stuck to the recommendation.

Why ten days? Isn’t there a shorter course that I could do?

The first day was a trying day for me. I felt fine until I chose to meditate for four hours straight, from 1:00 to 5:00pm, ignoring the breaks at 2:30pm and 3:30pm. I battled physical distress, my lower back pained by the unavoidable straightening of the spine as I tried my best to sit with good posture. By Tea I began to feel unusually down and was unsure what was happening to me. Anxieties and various emotional pains began to make themselves known. I had a torrid time during the Group meditation in the hall from 6:00 to 7:00pm as emotions wreaked havoc. I began to fear what was in store for me over the next 9 days.

At the end of each night the teacher, S.N Goenka would address the meditators in the group hall via video discourse. That night, as with all the other nights, I experienced relief and understanding from his words, stories and teachings as he described what was happening to us. He described the process of self-observation through meditation as a ‘deep surgical operation of the mind’. The emotional pain, anxiety and turbulence felt by the meditators was characterized as ‘puss rising to the surface’ following the first incision made through the meditation and self-observation. The natural emotional states of peace, love and joy only becomes reality as the emotional wounds are cleaned and healed. Therefore, what good would this surgical operation be if the patient was to leave mid-way? If a physical ailment was to be healed through surgery, would you leave before its completion because of the inevitable pain? You would be crazy if you did, not to mention the more pain you would bring about because of the disruption in the healing process.

The meditation itself is very easy to learn. In fact I believe that an instructional manual titled ‘How to Vipassana meditate’ would only be a few pages long. I also believe that the manual and the technique could be understood intellectually in less than an hour. However, there are fundamental and obvious differences between intellectual and experiential understandings. Consider the following example, there are two people, both are given the task to describe the taste of chocolate. One is given a book about the taste of chocolate, and the other is given a piece of chocolate. The person with the book will learn about the taste intellectually, and the person with the piece will learn about the taste experientially. Which person is the wiser?

Vipassana meditation cannot be learnt experientially in less than an hour. In fact ten days is barely enough. The meditators are given the space to experience the meditation and are slowly given new instructions day after day. With the teacher’s guidance experiential understandings of the technique, the teachings and its inherent wisdom are developed. The importance of this understanding is very clear once the course is finished and as soon as the individual reintegrates back into daily life.

What did you experience during your meditations?

Vipassana meditation gave me the opportunity to experience the mind-matter connection, “mind as matter” as opposed to “mind over matter”. Whenever a thought or emotion, positive or negative, appears in the mind there is a corresponding reaction in the body. Therefore, sensations that appear throughout the body are intimately connected to and possibly caused by thoughts, emotions or beliefs in existence at some level of the mind. Meditators can use this understanding to remain centered, non-reactive and calm in amidst negative thoughts, emotions and beliefs.

On Day 9 much anger had floated to the surface, so I took the opportunity to look into my body to see where and how this anger was manifesting. With my attention turned inward, I noticed that my breathing had become constricted, my fists were clenched and there was an unpleasant warmth and contraction at the solar plexus. Observing these bodily sensations with objectivity proved to be a far easier task than objectively observing the memory or thought that led to the emotion. Albeit the anger did not dissipate instantaneously (such abilities come with consistent practice) it did help disempower the anger’s control over me. With hindsight on my side I have found this technique very useful in bringing light into the darkness.

Some sensations are easier to detect, experience and observe than others. Gross apparent sensations such as touch and pain, are commonly felt while subtle sensations go largely unnoticed to the untrained mind. Subtle sensations are manifesting on all parts of the body, in all parts of the body at all times. Several days into the meditation, as my concentration sharpened and mind quietened, I was able to experience a wide range of these sensations from tickling, to feelings of contraction, constriction, feelings of warmth and cold, energetic buzzing, pulsing, itching and the strangest that I had experienced, the sensation of insects crawling (I broke the meditative posture to check to see if there were insects crawling across my forehead, which I can confirm there were not). It was and is a whole new world of sensual perception further proving that human sensual potential is largely untapped and ignored.

Experiencing these subtle sensations requires a quiet and calm mind with directed and concentrated focus. The practice of Vipassana involves observing these sensations objectively alleviating the meditator from the habit of reactivity and subjective judgment. As individuals when we impose our own beliefs, thoughts and emotions about a thing onto that thing, we strip that moment of its objectivity and render it highly subjective. We tend to see things how we want to see them and not see things as they really are. One occasion after the meditation course an itch had appeared on my chin. I had the presence of mind to allow it to be, to observe the sensation and to see what happens. I was free from expectation, reaction and judgment. As I observed the itch I watched it transform into a pleasant feeling blanketing most of my jaw and my cheeks! Was it really an itch as I had originally judged or a concentrated point of energy waiting to disperse its pleasantry as long as I didn’t scratch it?

I had a similar experience with pain. Firstly, what makes pain so unpleasant? Is the existence of pain unpleasant or our thought and judgment of the pain that makes it unpleasant? It is encouraged during Vipassana meditation to meditate with strong determination, to not move a muscle and to keep the same posture. This practice gives the meditator a great opportunity to keep the mind still, and to heal self through the stillness. Sitting in the same position for an hour is a trial of the mind and body. Naturally, especially given my not-so-perfect posture, my back began to hurt every time I chose to meditate without a back rest. One session I chose to watch the sensation of pain, and chose to remain objective, observing the pain without judgment or expectation. I observed the pain and watched, to my surprise, the pain reveal a pleasant and refreshing warmth hugging my lower back.

When I remained present and objective during my meditations I was able to feel more of the subtle sensations and was far more capable of seeing the reality within. The more I would react and impose my thoughts, expectations and judgments onto what was, the less I would feel and experience. Gross sensations such as pain would commonly grow and exaggerate when my attention would turn to it, judge it as painful, and react with resistance. The more I would resist the pain within the more painful it would become. Whatever I resisted persisted and whatever I accepted and observed objectively would often transform showing the real beauty of the sensation within.

With all that meditation didn’t you get bored?

Surprisingly, boredom was one mental affliction I was free from. Sans distractions, it felt as if my mind had become more active than it was before, or at least I had now become aware of its activity. Outside of meditations I thought constantly and ironically rationalized some of that thought as relief from the meditative work. One moment I would have entertaining thoughts, the next moment I would have mundane thoughts and inevitably I would experience painful thoughts. Looking back I realize that I was (and I guess I still am) emotionally reactive, emotionally dependent and at mercy to the dervish of thoughts whirling through my mind.

Then what did you do with your spare time?

The breaks in between meditations at the start of the day would most often be used resting and catching up on sleep. Later on I would often go for small walks in and around the enclosure. The meditation centre was built on a very scenic and very beautiful block of land in the Blue Mountains. From the dining hall meditators are gifted with a grand view filled with rolling hills and deep valleys. Bush decorates the landscape and fauna completes the ambience. As the sun sets it is a truly magnificent moment to experience life and enjoy the moment for what it is.

When you are starved of communication and begin to stay centered in Presence senses sharpen. As the days passed I found much fascination in nature, frequently stopping by the quaint pond by the dining hall and luxuriating in bush walks. Early on in my stay a solitary white lotus flower sitting regally on its bed had caught my eye. The lotus flower would sleep nonchalantly in this pond waiting for its moment to shine and share its beauty. As the Sun came out and the clouds parted the lotus flower would harmoniously open and give its gift to the world. A marvelous sight, the first lotus flower I have ever seen. Insects would congregate on the pond, a variety of dragonflies and butterflies zipping and floating about, gambling with the swimming death that lurked beneath the still of the water.

My senses kept moving to small things, my attention hooked by the beauty of nature. I would spot obsidian-coloured millipedes crawling along; my eyes would dart to tiny formations of moss on trees; my gaze would turn to explore the mass of leaves and bark that had fallen to the ground; and I would find myself lost in the somewhat mystical impression that the Sun’s rays would make as they pierced through the clouds and tree-line. My ears would pique to the sound of long-tailed black cockatoos, to the soothing trickle of running water and my skin would sense the faintest of breezes.

My tasting sense was also greatly pleasured. The vegetarian cuisine, cooked by volunteering old students, was delectable. Before the course I had worried about the imposed vegetarianism feeling that the 2 ½ vegetarian meals would not be enough for my appetite. I was wrong. Eating in silence and being Present with the meal certainly brought the flavour of the foods to my complete attention. Day after day I found myself satisfied and had only the slightest traces of hunger on some evenings. At breakfast the meditators were given the choice of porridge, stewed fruits, fresh fruits and/or toast. At lunch we were surprised and most days handsomely surprised. I have fond memories of vegetarian curries, pasta bakes, soups and other tasty creations which were always followed by dessert. Dessert included rock cakes, carrot cake, mud cake, and sweetened rice pudding. Food had never tasted this good.

How did it feel speaking again?

On the tenth day the meditators were given the freedom to speak. I was woken by the 4am morning bell, and could not contain my excitement. I was overjoyed by the fact that I had completed the ten days and was not far from rejoining the world. I excitedly greeted a fellow meditator, whose face lit up with a radiant smile. By 6am, when most of the guys in the room were woken by the 6am breakfast bell, I took the opportunity to fill the room with planned words of wisdom: “I’m Rick James bitch!” (For those of you scratching your head, the quote is from a sketch by comedian Charlie Murphy as appeared on the Dave Chappelle show). Eagerly, I engaged in conversation and we all began to share our personalities. I soon discovered that silence was to continue for a few more hours, and I obligingly returned to it until then.

From 10am to 3pm participants took the opportunity to interact with each other, to share experiences and to re-establish personalities and egos. It was rather strange returning to a world filled with speech and personalities. Some found relief in the communication and others dearly missed the silence. I was in two minds about the lost silence; at times I enjoyed the communication and expression of my personality and at other times I cherished the silence and the observation of what is. I swayed between the two modes, as a pendulum swings from one extreme to the next. I’d find myself engaging every conversation thread within earshot, abducting and controlling conversation threads; swinging to the other extreme of contemplation, observation and silence. I had not known silence until this meditation course, and now with such powerful context I was able to see how noisy my mind had been up until that point.

As we sat in silence for the hourly group meditation at 3pm, I felt as if I had drunk two or three cups of coffee one after the other. I could feel pains in my neck, unpleasant sensations across my scalp and just that general sense of hyperactivity. I was surprised by the depth of sensation that I could feel throughout my body, and the unease I had experienced as a result of the communication. I used the rest of the day to slow down, to slow my mind, my speech and my language and to enjoy the rest of the time I had at the Vipassana meditation centre.

What was it like when you got back home?

February 17th, I caught the train from the Mountains back into the city. At my stop I was quickly confronted by masses of people. People were everywhere. I moved slowly and deliberately to the exit as scores of people ran past me to hurriedly catch the train I had just hopped off. It seemed so foreign and unusual to me that people were making such an effort to catch this train. I couldn’t figure out what was so important? What would these people lose if they missed the train? Wasn’t there another train in five minutes? Wasn’t there a time when I was like this? Why would I get upset or angry for missing a train? What was I really missing?

As I waited on the platform for the next train a recurring thought came to mind: “Look around. If the images you are seeing now were painted with similar detail you would consider the artwork masterful.” What did I realize? Beauty is everywhere and in everything. You just have to have the eyes and the awareness to see it. I continued to take in the environment, the sights, the sounds, the smell and the sense. Every action seemed deliberate, every breath enjoyed and the silence was gratefully welcomed. It was somewhat amusing watching others scampering for their trains, no doubt missing the beauty and perfection of their environment, of their breath, and of their Presence.

Once home, I chose to revel in silence. I sat at the kitchen table with only environmental ambience and the soft hum of the laptop filling the room. Time rolled by slowly much like the tumbleweed being nudged gently by the omnipotent Wind. Each moment was appreciated and each moment observed. My thought patterns had changed and my priorities had deepened. I was at peace. My mind was calm. I was centered. I was happy. I opened my book and began to write…

A few questions:
1. It has been almost three months since you have taken this meditation course. How has the Vipassana meditation method helped, if at all, with KSMO? How has it helped in life in general?

2. I found this sentence to be the most profound in your write up. "It was and is a whole new world of sensual perception further proving that human sensual potential is largely untapped and ignored." You then went on to explain how pain and irritation were transmuted into pleasure. Do you think this was because of previous explorations in KSMO? Are you having BDSM fantasies now? I tease!!! Did anyone else have this same experience of 'feelings' transmutation?

3. Breakfast bell at six is crazy talk!!

4. Why did your body feel unease as a result of communication?

5. Referring to the top of your post, how did your 'blending' go? I am not familiar with Abraham-Hicks, so is a preferred blending 50/50, or is he more for a complete destruction of the ego? Funny this is, I am working on this same concept, but firstly through a more intellectual route.

Thanks for the write up!!!

Great dialogue guys!

Re: pain pleasure transmutation, a related phenomenon that has been reported by some Multiple Orgasm Trigger Adept practitioners - myself included - is called synesthesia.

Here's a fascinating, comprehensive Scientific American article about it called Hearing Colors, Tasting Shapes.

Wishing you ALL the best that life has to offer,
Jack

To recap, Vipassana meditation requires the individual to observe the gross and subtle sensations throughout the body to directly experience ‘Universal truths’ and ‘Laws of Nature’ (as taught by the Buddha Siddharta). When the meditation was given to the group on Day 4, I smiled widely knowing how complimentary it would be for my KSMO journey.

The meditation takes the individual into the body and through the process the individual develops a deeper connection with the body. Leaving the meditation course I had connected with my body far more intimately, and deeply than I had ever had before. I was given the chance to see the reality of my self, took that chance and experienced the brunt of my reality in the moments throughout the course.

Knowing that subtle sensations were happening at all times in all places throughout my body was a refreshing and liberating experiential understanding to receive. It gave me a great foundation to understand part of the KSMO process. That is, the Echo Effects that we experience in response to the Key Sound are subtle sensations. The Key Sound resonates with erotic/blissful sensations throughout body, and the connection is made between the sound and sensation. The feedback from this connection is the Echo (the Echo Effect), the sound bouncing and reflecting off the sensation making them apparent to the individual.

I had a twenty minute session the day I had returned from the meditation course. At the time I was very eager to see how my KSMO prowess had benefited from the things learnt and experienced. I had come back more aware of my body and its sensations, more capable of experiencing stillness of mind and thought and a greater capacity to remain objective and unmoved to thoughts and sensations. To me, all of these are extremely beneficial and/or essential to success with KSMO. A few Key Sounds I had noticed the increased sensitivity to subtle sensations and experienced a variety of them in response to the Key Sound. It was truly an interesting session for me and I was very much looking forward to the next session. Unfortunately, the day after I had fallen in and did not recover for a week.

Things were once again different for me when I had returned to KSMO after recovering from the cold I had caught. My general meditations had begun to get noisier, as the calm state of mind I had cultivated at the meditation course began to wear off. Likewise, my KSMO sessions were also characteristically noisy and also revealed the presence of an emotional furball. I decided to take a break from my direct experience with the Key Sound so I could deal with the emotional furballs that had popped up.

Life in general has also been interesting. Think of how muscles are developed for the athletes who intentionally use weights for conditioning. The weights provide resistance, breaking the muscle and allowing it to grow larger when the body is re-fuelled and at rest later in the day/evening. It is a build-break-build process. I feel as if the meditation course put me in the ‘break’ cycle of this process, and slowly I am building on the new beliefs and/or the deepened understandings of existing beliefs that I have acquired since the course.

I am far more aware of the present moment and far more conscious of the importance of this awareness. My connection with nature and Mother Earth has deepened. When my mind is noisy I find it incredibly soothing to go for a walk and to keep my focus with the nature (trees, gardens and the sky). An extension of my strengthened appreciation for the present moment is a fondness for silence. I find myself choosing to be silent more and more often. I choose silence for silence (as opposed to conscious exercise for introspection or reaction to an introverted personality trait). I am far more comfortable with silence and far more comfortable in my own skin. I also consider myself comparatively more spiritual than I how I was before.



KSMO certainly helped with how open I was to the experience of Vipassana. The pain/pleasure transmutation I believe was more an exercise in objectivity, seeing reality as it is and observing sensation without judgment. Pre-Vipassana I would often chase sensations away (i.e. the fawn!) with judgment and in my latest sessions I have noticed a marked improvement in that area. I am allowing sensations to be far more and giving myself the opportunity to allow myself to relax into the process.


I haven't spoken about that particular experience (pain pleasure transmutation) with others who have taken the course.



Wake up bell at 4am was even crazier (especially when I am used to going to bed at 4am )

Being silent for 9 days and then being allowed to speak to your mind’s content is quite the rush. My mind went from quiet and calm to its other extreme, reactive and noisy, seeking out all conversation and all social interactions. It felt like a sugar rush or a big caffeine hit. If you want to know how it feels, stop yourself from consuming all refined sugar for two weeks. If you can do, then eat three or four glazed donuts and let me know how you feel J. Or if you are not a coffee drinker, drink two or three cups one after the other. If you really want to know what it feels like, remove yourself from communication and meditate for 10 hours for 10 days, then try to catch up on 10 days of speaking.




It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed their (Abraham-Hicks) material, but as I remember it ‘blending’ is the transformative process where one moves being away from self (the ‘little me’) to Self (the ‘big me’). I also believe that they are more about transcendence of ego and a moving away from ego to the larger more wholesome Self.



And how did my blending go? I am not self-actualized yet. Or maybe I could be and I just dont real-ize it yet. The transformative process, the transcendence of ego is a life-long journey my friend, and for some traditions, a multiple life-time quest.




Cheers,

Lopez