• Laly and Drew join Jack for a discussion of Laly's progress with her counseling sessions.
• Laly and Jack discuss her latest counseling sessions.
• Laly reveals that she has passed another milestone in having a face to face talk with Drew including a KSMO discussion.
• Laly says she is taking a break from active practice. Jack agrees with her decision and notes that the practice will be there when the time is right.
• Jack congratulates Laly for the progress she has made to date and sharing her story.

Session Start: Thu Sep 28 18:01:09 2006
Jack> Hey Laly!
Laly> hi jack HUGS.
Jack> Same to YOU!
Jack> How are you doing?
Laly> so-so
Jack> That sounds pretty good, considering. :-)
Laly> had back to back sessions with ** this week
Jack> Wow that's intense! Way to go though.
Laly> actually cried a few times today
Jack> no doubt.
Jack> Spring cleaning.
Laly> yeah- felt myself stressing
Laly> so took a 10 min quickie
Jack> Pause for the Cause.
Laly> "cry out"
Laly> uh huh.
Jack> Way to take care of yourself.
Laly> thanks.
Jack> Sometimes finding a safe place to have a cry when you need to is ALSO
Jack> a form of answering a Call of Nature.
Jack> Should have the same rights.
Jack> When you need to, you need to.
Laly> yes- when I get to feeling I need that - I will
Laly> this wasn't one of those
Laly> times.
Jack> Yeah it's really great that you've been learning how to negotiate e.g. with supervisor, to get
Jack> the space you need to take care of yourself.
Jack> Welcome Drew!
Drew> Hi Jack!
Laly> yeah- she's been really great.
Laly> hi drew.
Laly> the hardest thing I am finding out
Laly> is letting go of the 'expectations'
Laly> of what I "think" she wants me to do or say
Drew> Hi Laly
Jack> Yeah laly, kinda like learning how to let go of expectations in THIS practice.
Laly> RIGHT ON jack
Jack> Both have to do with connecting better with your Authentic Self.
Jack> Selves really - our many aspects.
Laly> yes
Jack> Way to Calmpost those emotional furballs !
Laly> much like KSMO practice too- learning how your body responds
Laly> and listening to to subtle Echos
Laly> to those
Jack> Most definitely.
Laly>
Jack> What else is up for this evening?
Laly> the concept of self-love is the harshest lesson I am trying to work up to
Jack> hmmm self-love and harshest in the same line...
Jack> hmmm.
Jack> ;-)
Laly> what?
Laly> being honest.
Jack> Not sure the secret(s) to self love involve "harsh".
Laly> ahh - ok ...maybe harsh wasn't best word to use
Jack> hmmm.
Jack> ;-)
Laly> challenge
Laly> am not allowed to use that 3 letter word that starts with t and ends in y
Jack> Care to write a different sentence (other than the one that had self-love and harshest in t) and check how it might feel differently?
Laly>
Laly> HMMM
Jack> Just as an experiment. :-)
Laly> I want to learn how to love myself
Jack> How does THAT sentence feel to you?
Laly> better-
Jack> Wanna go for a bonus round?
Laly> sure-
Jack> Cool! Ok... replace
Jack> "want to" with "am" and add "ing" to learn. Check the difference in how you feel.
Laly> I am learning how to love myself.
Jack> How did THAT one feel, Laly?
Laly> OH wow- like a weight lifted
Jack> Word Magic.
Jack> It works.
Jack> Self-talk - the words we use to frame our experience and our wishes and goals -
Jack> DO make a difference in how we feel - including how we feel about the ACCESSIBILITY of our goal.
Laly> yeah- ** calls it my "new screen"
Jack> I like that "am learning" 'hack' cuz it puts you IN the process instead of still outside in the lobby.
Drew> Sorry to butt-in... I'm needing to exercise some self-love myself this evening. I'm feeling under the weather and need an early night. I'll keep the channel open to read the chat later (if that's OK).
Jack> Sure! Hope you'll feel better. Anything you'd care to share b4 you re-lurk?
Drew> Just a note that I'm proud of Laly for the steps she's taking... And, honoured to be part of her journey.
Jack> Yeah new screen 4 sure. New template - has some zing too, for me.
Jack> You have MANY Good Karma Points for your role in that Brother Drew!
Laly> awww, thanks Drew -
Laly> if not for your help I would still be stuck
Laly> at the stop light
Laly> afraid to go forward.
Jack> Right before you wrote the "forward" line, I was thinking: "Yeah, Drew, way to Pay It Forward!"
Laly>
Jack> Although I like "Give" rather than "Pay" - seems more accurate. More resonant.
Laly> yeah.
Jack> Thanks Drew for introducing us to Laly's Light!
Laly> < IS BLUSHING.
Jack> :-)
Laly> I like that.
Jack> I calls'em as I see's 'em.
Laly> very nice feeling inside.
Jack> Good.
Drew> :-)
Laly> for a long time - didn't care that it didn't shine
Laly> now use it to guide others
Laly> with my caring words
Laly> my compassion, and understanding
Jack> (and hard-won experience)
Laly> yea
Jack> RE: didn't care - think the care was there but the abusers' shadows had thrown a veil over it.
Laly> possible
Laly> ** asked me what if I hadn't been raped
Jack> The care was there, the Light was there - just under that shame cloak.
Jack> Yeah good question!
Laly> such a foreign concept - I said I wouldn't want that , cause made me who I am not
Laly> and dint wanna change that
Laly> now - not word not lol
Laly> shaped who I am now.
Jack> Yeah.
Jack> Sounds like you are doing great, Laly.
Jack> I mean not all of the feelings are swell feelings but
Jack> you are feeling them, and
Jack> you are Giving Voice to them and wow what a weight and wait off your Heart.
Laly> thanks to my totally awesome support network
Jack> And to the totally courageous hub of that network - You!
Laly> yeah- well I just equate it to my lil sailboat on the ocean
Jack> I LOVE that metaphor!
Laly> some smooth sailing, some rough
Jack> Yep - a little this way, then things change, and so you need to correct the course - no blame just a fact of sailing.
Laly> but am pointed to the future and what it holds
Laly> true jack.
Jack> Again, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have really come a long, courageous way in this year!
Laly> *takes deep breath
Laly> thanks.
Jack> You're very welcome.
Laly> Helps that Drew is there to talk to as well
Jack> MOST definitely!
Laly> I think I made him proud - Tues nite was first time I actually talked with him - face to face
Jack> Another great Milestone. Way to go!
Laly> actual communication
Jack> Yeah - that's what recovery feels like. :-)
Laly> feels utterly fantastic
Laly> to look at a face and talk
Laly> without fear
Laly> worry that I might say something ;wrong'
Laly> quite liberating
Laly>
Jack> Very Cool!
Laly> and the best part Jack- we talked about KSMO
Laly>
Jack> How did that feel?
Laly> good
Jack> Great!
Laly> I mentioned that I STILL can't bring myself to do light stim
Laly> I can other areas
Laly> but WOW -
Laly> I can't touch it directly
Jack> Yeah. Easy Does It... One Energy Gateway at a Time.
Laly> that is why I've stepped back from active practice
Laly> for time being
Jack> Sometimes at a stage like this there's that strong Go For It tractor beam - yes, sometimes even for women!
Jack> Yeah taking a breather is a good idea at such a time. You know it's right there when you want it and the time feels right to you.
Laly> yeah- I found that out
Laly> re: go for it
Laly> for
Jack> Yep. :-)
Laly> I didn't want those Echos to fade
Jack> Hey! C'mere fawn! Not so fast!
Laly> OH OH - my poor ribs . laughing too hard
Laly> oww that hurts
Laly> thanks bunches
Laly> needed that
Jack> ;-)
Laly> whew
Jack> LOL!
Laly> I can't stop now -
Jack> Just remember to breathe... :-)
Laly> ok
Laly> can't remember last time I laughed
Jack> I think it was about two minutes ago.
Laly> oh oh oh -
Laly> < tears streaming down face
Laly> I meant before tonite
Jack> Yeah I figured. Just thought I'd be a wise guy a little bit.
Laly> thanks
Jack> You're very welcome!
Jack> Whew you have indeed come a long way, lady!
Laly> - just knew I could not give up on myself
Laly> been through TOO much
Laly> to do so now
Laly> and if my journey helps others
Laly> then I am happy to be the leader
Laly> to guide
Jack> I HEAR YOU! And I assure you that it does - more than you'll ever know - consciously - I also really appreciate how supportive you are of the other people who post to the Forum.
Laly> I because I CARE jack
Laly> from the very depths of my heart
Jack> And that is COMPLETELY obvious. It comes straight through your writing.
Laly> - my last post took me two days and about 7 hours to write
Jack> Yeah and totally worth it!
Jack> You da BOM, girl! Bookender Of the Month!
Laly> well since I am unable to write down on real paper
Laly> the forum is my journal
Jack> Well it's very generous of you to share such a courageous personal journey in public forum such as this.
Jack> It's very inspiring.
Laly> well as you said to drew in beginning
Laly> pay it forward
Laly> I wanted to give back as much as you all helped me
Jack> Yeah - and revised version: Give it Forward. There's nothing to pay - but give how you can when you can.
Jack> You can relax in the knowledge that you are indeed doing so!
Laly> k - give
Jack> :-)
Laly> it forward
Jack> Yeah. By sharing your story - your authentic truth - the ripples flow outward...
Jack> :-)
Laly> yes
Jack> :-)
Jack> Well Laly, I am kind of needing to get going for tonight. It's been a long day. Is there anything else for tonight?
Laly> my co workers are just now learning how hard of a struggle I've been having
Laly> ok jack
Laly> nope nothing more
Jack> Oh re: co-workers maybe just a quick stmt about that since you brought it up?
Jack> How's that going?
Laly> good -
Jack> WONDERFUL.
Laly> that sharing a little, pause
Jack> Wow what a HUGE step.
Jack> yeah - good! pause AND CHECK
Jack> :-)
Jack> esp when sharing from the recovery process as you never know who might be getting awakened by your story. That's why it's good
Jack> to share a little - check to see how people are responding - then if safe - share a little more - repeat as desired and SAFE. :-)
Laly> yes.
Jack> :-)
Laly> there are only 3 of us that know my full session details
Jack> That's a great beginning. Sounds about right.
Jack> Easy Does It with that too, natcherly. That group can evolve over time as well.
Laly> yeah- am still working on how to talk with mom
Jack> I hope you have a wonderful week, and do a few really nice things just for YOU. Take it easy. You have worked HARD and been through a LOT.
Laly> you too.
Jack> Yeah re: Mom. That's a big one. Stay in close touch with your counselor about preparing for that and bookending etc.
Laly> I will
Jack> Might actually want to have a support person e.g. your counselor present for the initial conversation. Check with her on that.
Laly> OH-
Jack> Might be helpful for Mom too.
Laly> not sure if she;d go there jack
Jack> K. Well just work with your counselor to develop a plan,
Laly> hates to travel
Jack> so that both you and Mom have the safety and support you need during that conversation.
Jack> k?
Laly> ok
Laly> sweet dreams Jack
Jack> Have a wonderful week Laly. Give yourself some nice self-indulgent recharging time this week.
Laly> u too Drew - take care of yourself.
Jack> You too Laly!
Jack> You too Drew!
Jack> Til next time Laly HUGGSSS!!!
Laly> HUGSSS back n smiles
Jack> BYE!
Laly> bye
Session Close: Thu Sep 28 19:19:49 2006