I don't know. Maybe I need to not think about sex for a while, and consequently not try the KSMO thing for a while(haven't been following the protocol anyway). The anxiety over the apparent pleasure discrepancy is probably an obsession.

I just want to be happy and I don't have a clue how to get there. I can't remember the last time I was consistently happy or felt good, except for a few minutes at a time occasionally. You know, why is life so hard? Why if you look at the whole world is there so much pain and suffering, and what then is the point? What could the purpose of this all be? How do I find contentment and satisfaction. Religion when I was into that didn't help. That just preached a God that hated people enough to torture most of them forever and that freaked the crap out of me. That was a gospel of fear.