Hi,

Before I ask for advice I will quickly (hopefully!) fill in a little b/g about myself.

I joined way back in 2003. A month or two after I had experienced very pleasurable echo effects (tingles, waves, muscle shaking). I was very happy and pleased with myself However, when I practiced again the echo effects were less, weren't built upon and I lost my excitement for the practice. For the next 2 or so years my practiced was 'simplified' as I sorted through a few sexual issues with a counsellor.

The next two years were complicated by the long illness of my father, his death, my grief and depression. However, during this time very difficult time I learnt more and more to be able to enjoy "simple" sex with my girlfriend - by this I mean enjoying ejaculating, lessening the "pressure" of performance I had experienced earlier and simply enjoying being naked with my girlfriend.

Two weeks ago I had been doing some body relaxation exercises, and after completion I thought "Wouldn't it be nice to spend some time with me? Exploring my body and just being with myself." So I did, and I included some KS. Now I only did this for about 10 minutes, but the response was wonderful! Tingles and sensations throughout my body. At last it thought - after 4 years I am excited about my practice again!

Today I decided to once again spend some time with myself - but shortly after beginning I received a block, a thought that went something like this: "Sex is always haunted by the idea/feeling that it is work for me. When will I come? Am I doing this right? I feel jealous of the female sexual role which I perceive to be void of these concerns. Instead I perceive the female sexual role to be accepting whatever happens and therefore enjoying the feelings moment to moment without pressure".

So I followed Jack's advice, stopped the practice and as ashamed as I am of my thoughts wrote this post to seek advice of the forum as to how best deal with this "mind noise". I am quite aware though that these are 'intrusive thoughts' will appear again, but I would like to hear how people deal with them in their own practice? Is it best to stop, breathe, take some time, relax and keep going? My fear is that if I were to stop the practice everytime I have some "mind noise" I will give greater strength to these thoughts and lose the excitement to practice KS that took me so long to regain. Rather I feel I need to learn to recognise these thoughts as just that - thoughts - and learn to live with them.

I would also like to hear from any females about pressure that they experience in sex. While we all have our good days (even me!) where sex and pressure seem so distant from one another, I believe that it is more a perception I have acquired. I hope that it will help me expand my perception to hear of female sexual pressure and realise that not every one is rolling around in bliss 24/7!

Thanks,
Mariachi