I’ve never posted here before, and I think I’ve been reluctant, because I don’t have a huge or outright ‘success story’ to post, but I’ve been working on and off with the KSMO method since the winter of 2004. I discovered Jack’s website via one of Pan’s great posts about Amygdala clicking…I think it was some forum set up with a post area for some other things I’m involved in (Qigong and meditation).

I ordered the CD and started to try and make the key sound, understanding it more as a release to avoid ejaculation, so I was using it more as a vent during normal stimulation, which didn’t work very well. I had a coaching session with Jack at some point to talk about my KS technique, which was helpful and reassuring.

Although I’ve yet to experience full MMO, I’ve noticed some very interesting things, most of them subtle, and I’ve been reminded of experiences I’ve had in the past (long before KSMO) that I’ve looked at in a new light. I had an experience several years ago with a girlfriend at the time, for whom I had become quite hot about on many levels, many of them more emotional/sensual. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a very healthy relationship, but the level of erotic ‘fantasy’ that was acted out in my relations with her (mostly ‘foreplay’, but still highly sexual) was extremely intense. One day we went to our usual place for these exchanges and sat on the floor talking to one another, when she touched me—I don’t even think in any blatantly sexual area of my body—I just came. I’m also 80% sure that it was non-ejaculatory, as I remember being relieved, since I was fully clothed at the time.

There was another time when I was sitting in meditation (I use Holosync CDs and have done for 7 years now) where I sometimes get into erotic imagery or fantasy. I was ‘stoking’ myself mentally, remaining absolutely still and with no physical stimulation, but I got myself to the point where the mental imagery was pushing me to the ‘edge’ where I wondered if I couldn’t make something happen without touching myself in any way. I assumed it was possible, since one can have wet dreams with no physical stimulation. I was not able to bring myself to orgasm, but this also got me thinking. That was also before I knew about Jack’s method.

Since working with the KSMO method, sometimes more diligently than others, I’ve experienced some emotional highs and extrapolations of feelings that were in a sense not completely ‘new’ to me, as I’ve always been a very highly charged person erotically speaking, even since I was 4 or 5 years old (not directly sexual at that time, just erotic) and that energy has always been there, but I’ve never been able to allow it to flower as Jack’s method suggests. I think that part of the reason it’s taking me so long was an over-eagerness from thinking ‘this is the greatest thing and THE answer for me…I MUST be successful at it!’ I suppose this kind of thinking is less than conducive to letting go and letting it happen. Secondly, I think I’ve always expected the key sound to start something outside myself that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t use the key sound. What I’ve been starting to realize lately is that this ability is already there in me, and that the key sound is just ‘pointing’ to it in a way.

I started to realize this several weeks ago when I was laying in bed. I wasn’t using any key sound or movements…just lying there and focusing on my belly and lower area and some energy that was there. I focused on it for a while and it seemed to grow and grow. It seemed sexual/sensual/erotic and it also seemed like, if I could keep stoking it with my attention, it would grow into something the likes of MMO. However, it started to fade (or maybe I was just tired) and I couldn’t make it come back. I’d almost forgotten about this over the past month or so until I came back and started reading on the forum again. (I love the new format by the way…it looks exquisitely sensuous).

I notice that many of the posts and comments (some of which I’ve already read several times) have new meaning for me. I also notice that my energy of late has been up after a real lull earlier this fall. I notice that, when my general life energy is low or taxed, or when I’m feeling not so hot (in a very general way) then I can’t do much with KSMO, as I just don’t have the discipline. However, lately things have felt different, and I’ve been more interested in what I may have learned during my periods of non-practice. I think one of the most important things is that realization that this is not something outside myself I’m introducing, but just a different way of interacting with how I am anyway and always have been. This is quintessential I think, and although Jack and many others have said just that, and I’ve read it, you have to realize that, which is a different beast altogether than just knowing something theoretically.

On recommendation, I’ve also bought the Chi Machine and will see if that helps to loosen up the channels a bit. I believe it was greyx who recently touched on something else I’ve done from time to time and found helpful (when my general life energy is high enough to support it), which is ‘fasting’ from stimulation of the traditional sort altogether for extended periods. This, I think, allows energy to build rather than dissipating it.

Thanks as well to Jack, mog and laly for all the wonderful posts and tips, and especially to Pan, who is the reason I came to get into KSMO in the first place. Funny thing about that amygdale post…I wrote Neil Slade and told him about KSMO and Pan’s/Jack’s info in regard to clicking forward to suggest he and Jack should get together and brainstorm, maybe even put out some materials together. He wrote me back and replied ‘I’m not a sex therapist.’ I still have to laugh at that!