I'm still having a really hard time not resorting to conventional stimulation after practice has ended. Fortunately, that has not completely hindered progress. I mention it only to say that I know it is off protocol and head off any comments mentioning that. It's hard to just stop practice with no "release" of any kind to end it. As the sessions get better I think it will be easier not to finish, but I fully intend to end my session by protocol in the future.

I had a good session last night. It really felt like something was close to happening, like I got a lot closer than I ever have with this practice.

For me the good feelings don't really come in waves or anything yet. It's more of a constant sense of minor pleasure over the area from my belly button down to mid-thigh. Nothing incredible yet, but last night it picked up quite a bit. If before I was 20% of the way there, then last night I got to 60 or 70%. Not that I can really have any idea of what's ahead, nor do I think I should attempt to be so technical about it as to assign numbers to gauge progress, especially when I don't really know where the "end" is. I'm just trying to give an idea of the improvement over past sessions.

I am one of the people who orgasmed as a youth while climbing a rope(best maybe only orgasm in my life). Ever since I'm not sure if I've ever realy had an orgasm. Sure I've ejaculated, but that doesn't really feel good. The time leading up to ejaculation usually feels nice, but it tapers off and basically is gone when ejaculation happens. Anyway, the feelings last night started to remind me of the rope orgasm, though they were not nearly to that level of intensity nor did they spread throughout my whole body. But, I'm guessing I'm not to far away from success, especially if I stick to protocol and really get the key sound down. I'm guessing at least the first time it will feel like the rope climbing orgasm.

I've had some thoughts on the memory of that orgasm though. The sense of really having to urinate, and while it is happening the sense of something actually leaving(though not pee obviously) is interesting. I've thought about that aspect quite a bit, and I'm not sure it's totally physical. When you urinate, you let something go. Think about it. Until you pee, you've been subconsciously holding it in. Even it you didn't have to try to hold it in your body has been trying. I think this might relate to orgasming. That orgasm I had really felt like letting go, like something has been held in for a long time, something that needs to go, and finally you can let it go and you feel free, lighter, less attached to anything. And thinking on it more, I think there was even when I was climbing the rope a kind of "terror at the gates" as people have come to call it here. By all means it felt great, but it was still kind of scary, like I was really letting something go, not just letting some physical fluid go(it was a dry orgasm), but like I was actually losing some part of me, or maybe just losing control(not that I was moaning or screaming or anything) and afraid of losing some part of me. It was a long time ago so I'm not too sure about any of this. It may have only been scary because I was just thinking "what the heck is happening to me?" and worrying that I might lose control of my hands and drop 20 feet to the floor or worrying that I was about to pee my pants in front of everyone. I don't know. I'm just babbling.

Hopefully I will soon be able to better relate what it's like.