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Originally Posted by airn
Laly- thanks so much for the encouragement. I haven't been reading much in the forums lately, but I've read some of your posts and I respect you for what you've gone through.
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And I respect what you have and currently going through as well Airn.
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In spite of my previous post, it turns out that all is not fun and games over here. Jack suspected that the tension in my throat might be from an emotional blockage and suddenly I have to agree with him. Today I became keenly aware of an emotional blockage--pretty severe blockage. I feel there's great emotions below this that I'm keeping carefully dammed up, and once they've been released I doubt I could stop tears from coming.
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I never meant to offend you Airn-I truly wonder if it was EVER a fun and game-y journey for any KSMO/MMO member all the time. Yeah-i know all to well about damming up emotions and burying them til they just come out and 'grab' ya's unaware. And I also agree with you about the tears- I personally can say from my experience- they ARE hard to stop- but I also realize they are also stress-relieving at times, and I find myself just openly weeping just for the sheer joy of it.
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The lucky part of all this is that I know what I have to do to resolve this. And my body tells me it has to happen tonight, provided I have the courage. This feeling came up probably a month ago, and I didn't act on it but instead filed it under the "I'll get to it" category. I'm feeling a strong dread as I write this.
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*smiles. good to know that you know what to do in resolving this. Am curious tho when you say it has to happen tonite !! Be gentle with yourself- rushing any healing is not good for you ...may even be discouraging if you feel that you havent healed/had the 'correct' amount of courage to do it all in one shot.
I too know about the 'get to it' feeling-and the feelings of dread - but you know - imo ...i found that once I talked it out- I felt better. A weight lifted and i took a deep breath and released it - like 'okay-you've said this and that = now how do you feel?' As i type now the tears are jsut freely flowiing making it hard to see to type -recalling what I had done in facing my past and continuing to do to banish the nightmares and move on .
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I'll be checking in soon
Airn
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- just remember be gentle with yourself-