Hey mog and thanks - Laly certainly did welcome me warmly here.

I grew up with phimosis - a condition where the foreskin of the penis does not retract. In my case it would not retract at all. I did not realise this to be unusual for many years. By age 16 I had had a couple of sexual partners - and I had never really been able to physically feel anything with them - so it was difficult to get physically aroused with them, and I would end up just giving and never receiving (not due to unwillingness on my partners' account, simply because it would never work and I would feel down about it).

So I already had a pretty negative association with sex by then, and started, I think, to subconsciously sabotage my chances of intimacy with other women out of a fear of facing this issue.

Eventually I clued onto how the state of my foreskin was not the usual state of affairs, and saw a health professional. I ended up getting a circumcision (a traumatic few weeks in its own right!) at age 18.

And as much as I hoped that would solve my problems, I still had/have a huge negative association with sex due to my past experiences -with no new positive ones to counteract them.

And so, as the years go on, and people grow more and more comfortable with their sexuality, getting partners, enjoying intamacy, feeling confident in themselves, etc.. I am still left with this horrible mess of old negative association. And of course as others grow more confident, there becomes more a gap - they accumulate experience and talent which further drains my confidence 'in comparison' to other men. It makes me just 'not bother' with relationships and women.

I just don't know how to shift this sense of low self-worth in this area of my life. I have attempted using NLP, reframing, everything, but it is all so 'intellectual', it is not the real healing I need.

Everytime somebody I know, close to me or otherwise, mentions sex in regards to their partner, somebody they have met (shallow or profound), I just feel sick and close off.

I am a twenty year old man, but with this piece of bad psychology, I certainly don't feel it.

When I began the KSMO programme, on my second session, for some reason a thought of an old girlfriend came to mind, and it bought up a lot in the themes of rejection and low-worth, and soon thereafter the whole shadow-self became conscious - seeing how this issue affects how I see myself sexually, socially, mentally.

I don't know what else to type, now. Thank you for reading this far.
If anybody would like to share anything they consider helpful, feel free to.

Thanks,
J