Hi- it's been awhile since I've felt something this strong , but I know that givin voice to it may help others as well.

As you may know I have been seeing a counselor and voluntarily since that day been 'on hiatus' from active KSMO practice.

This last visit this month, something occured for which I have no 'rational' explanation as to why. After my session with my counselor thursday nite and relating to her of some dreams that I'd been having - lil snippets of images from long ago - from that rape...I won't go into detail as to the images only to say that they were not disturbing to the point that I panicked but more like WHY are they appearing now - kind of thing.

I didn't want these images now- I mean I want to let go of that- these feelings, and memories surrounding it.

Anyhow- the next night I kept waking up thinking someone was in the house (was actually just the furnace kicking in) . Everytime the furance started up- I could hear a hollow thump from the vent in my room and my eyes would pop open, my heart pounding til I could see that no one was in the house and 'prowling'. Then I'd lay there, cover back up and try and relax and get back to sleep - ONLY to pop back up when the furnace kicked in again. ( I knew it was the furnace - but still I woke up , heart pounding , etc). This went on about every 1 to 2 hours until I FINALLY gave up on sleeping about 6:30 am saturday and laid in bed til 7 am - so that i wouldn't wake up the other 2 people sleeping in the house.

So - quietly I walked down and made breakfast as quietly as I could and sat down and ate while staring out in the dark night. Just sitting there and picking apart what occuring just hours earlier. I knew that there was no one prowling about- so why did i react like i did? - those kind of things.

So am just continuing to process my feeling and work through these other issues until I am certain that they stay where they belong - in the past.

Take care and as always- HUGS ,
laly