K...I've thought long and hard on just how to write what I experienced at the KSMO workshop this past weekend.

As I mentioned, Jack and I did some dreamwork. With his guidance and support, I went back to my first dream with the Indian Shaman. I am unable to go into full details as to what occurred- only to say that we were able to connect and He was able to talk with me face to face.

As to what I got from this workshop was facing the facts that I felt like I couldn't trust myself...to just let go and feel. The loss of two people in my support group really left me shattered emotionally. I was like "What do I do now?"

I asked the Shaman this when we talked and he mentioned that I must go my own way as must Brother Wolf.

On my flight home, I found myself shedding tears many times. At one point in the last leg of my journey home- I could hear my daughter as she excitedly said-- "look mommy" and outside was a very beautiful view of some clouds shaped like animals. Just hearing the joy in her voice made me smile and more tears to fall.

Hi,

I thought maybe you all were wondering how the workshop is progressing, so I thought I'd write a brief note before I head off for more touring today.

Flying in was quite an interesting site to watch as I came in late *nearly midnight)...so some of the views I saw were just breathtaking. I got to see the Cascades Mountains (I'll try and remember to take pictures on my way home).

Meeting Sky_Walker and his wife was a real blessing. I wish to thank Sky for meeting me at the airport and bringing me to the B & B where we both are staying- BUT in separate buildings.

(pausing as the tears flow and a smile on my face appears)

We did some dream work...that was a hard thing for me-- both energetically and emotionally as it dealt with seeing my deceased daughter and my siblings (all whom are in the spirit world). The hard part was describing what I was seeing and feeling out loud.

I'll finish this a bit later .

With Love and Light

I've been doing some thinking ....k k a lot of thinking and reflecting lately - about a lot of things.

Over the years of practicing KSMO and eventually mastering it, I can honestly say that I've heard many members ask "Is mastering or "re-wiring" myself all there is (to learn)?

And every time I hear that question asked I just smile because my answer was and always will be is "NO!" it is not the end all/be all to learn of KSMO. At least not for me....it's not all about s-e-x and orgasms on end...don't get me wrong I LOVE it :-) .

However, I have delved into parts of myself that I never dreamed of and into the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind and heart , and let me say I did NOT like what I saw. So I took those things- the fear, the anger, the resentments...the things and memories I carried from my childhood.

When I first started KSMO, I didn't have any expectations from KSMO....that is a set goal. What I wanted was to let go of the anger I was feeling....I was at such a low point in my life I was just drifting day to day ...not living - not enjoying life.
*stops typing to wipe tears.

I am saying...that reaching the peak of a mountain (i.e. orgasming, or re-wiring to the key sound method) doesn't have
to be the end all goal.

Forgiveness, letting go , and trust were three words I had a hard time doing. And I don't mean with others- but with myself. These are just a few of the issues I worked through on my journey of learning the Key Sound Method.

I am proud and honored to say that I am NOT the same woman I was 5 years ago.
*smiles

Okay... nuff musing here.

to be continued -

Sweet dreams to all....

Hello...I know it's been awhile since I last posted.

As some of you may know I've been doing research (and loving it) for the Great Gathering that Jack's having in July of this year.

As Jack mentioned talking about dreams and stuff, I lately have been experiencing some really wild and even weird ones (weird in the sense that they are so off base of my "normal" typical dreams).

Also , in their importance and significance, I was hoping to recall them later on- but so far that's been an elusive prospect thus far. I mean I can recall a few details -- like someone singing-- (and NOT me) and the sense of wandering and searching for something/someone.

Another thing re: the GG is the surprise I got-- a pleasant one for sure- in the fact that the B & B's owner's husband is an artist....

I guess that's why the landscaping and the architecture of the place really struck a chord with me-- and my wanting to take my sketchpad and pencils/oils with me. Which I plan on doing :) .

*laughs....picturing self with chalk dust on face as Jack approaches for workshop :).

First of all...it's been awhile since I've written....so many things have been going on that I've just been able to make it through the day some days.

So I've been doing some inner soul searching and finding some things I found weren't making me happy but dragging me down-emotionally and mentally.

So I set aside my practice -- yet again and began to see and release what was no longer useful for me. I am happier than Ive been in a few months.

Just this week, I've released many tears...just letting them flow.

And.. the dreams I've been having .... quite "interesting". I won't go into detail of them.

Take care.....

After a conversation in the chat channel with rumel...about my using the term "ugly" in my blog before regarding the levels of the cloud I was watching.

His reply in thinking of the term he'd use as it being "pregnant" brought a such a shudder from me that I couldn't understand where he'd come up with that image. The mere thought of his suggestion of the "raining" down just sending confusion to my mind. Did he really want all the fear, mind noise, the anger, the old shell of ourselves to "really" rain down upon the Earth and upon us????

Then I had some clarity to what he was saying-- praise the heavens-- I think he meant in the sense of us releasing all that -- letting go , not hanging on to all that .

I shall hold onto that thought and smile.

With love
Laly

Okay....today I spent a few hours of relaxing outside at the lake.

It is supposed to rain...and the wind was blowing cold. Too windy to do my cross-stitching, I instead began really listening to nature around me- the birds flying around- the wind blowing-things like that.

Then I began looking up at the clouds and noticing how they just flowed and moved with the wind- not really having a choice i suppose...but it did get my mind to thinking how "we" should be...that is those of us using KSMO...our journey as newbies to those of us Jack terms as "adepts".

There was one cloud that really caught my attention and I just watched it for the longest time and noting how the layers of the cloud resembled --- or could be related to a person's KMSO journey.

It had what I call several "layers" to it- the bottom layer very gray and "ugly" looking...this I related to all the mind noise, negativity, and even maybe fears (who knows)...the next layer-- lighter in color but still some darkness to it.

Then more layers-about 4 in all-- each being lighter until the top layer so white it was breathtaking.

This reminded me of the things we may go thru--steps or levels of ascension to the ultimate Orgasm(s) experience=The one(s) that leave you just saying OH MY GOODNESS!! :D.

As I thought this..I noticed that I began to weep -- remembering that feeling and letting it fill me. My entire body began aching and became sensitive ---possibly recalling those vivid events. Right now the soles of my feet are sensitive and I am just enjoying that...slowly caressing them on the floor as I write this all down. I can feel the energy flowing within me and the smile on my face is huge.

Because if the lateness of the hour, I am unwilling to do more than just enjoy these feelings I am experiencing.

With love n light-- till next time

WOW it's been a while since I posted.

Yesterday I had two of the most amazing experiences I've had in awhile. As you know (or maybe not) I've been learning about Reiki healing method- the use of your own body's energy for healing yourself (and others).

Yesterday I was testing out on how far my energy reach was and happens that a friend of mine in Florida was online and so together we tried sending energy to each other. It was an interesting experience for me...as it seems to trigger some echo effects within me....which led me to a KSMO session that literally blew me out of the water- so to speak.

I was off and humming within 2-3 minutes of doing KS. It wasn't a fast swoop up to orgasm heaven...but a nice slow build that had me weeping and just an all around pleasant feeling of love .

With love and light ....

I've spent some time ...pert near a month searching the deepest recesses of my mind, my heart and my spirit--

The past month I have taken part of a Master Minding Class with world renown author Al Diaz (http://www.thetitusconcept.com) who wrote a couple of wonderful books- one called The Titus Concept.

Now not to plug his book TOO much ...suffice it to say it is a great book that helps you to find your true and loving self...not by showing you what you don't know-- but by the things you ALREADY KNOW!! It raises awareness of things you kNow already by engaging those ideas/thoughts/feelings you already possess and allowing yourself to expand on them .

One of the assignments we were given for the class was to morning and night for a week - say 3 times while looking in a mirror "I love you unconditionally". I couldnt do it , not without weeping uncontrollably.
This past month- I've stepped outside myself and really taken a good HARD look- at what I truly wanted in my life-- to love, be loved, be happy, joyous in all that I do- all that I am .
Once i TRULY let go of the the blame and anguish over my daughter and let her go and love her none-the-less. The transformation has just been astounding!!!

Last night I attended a wild game supper (n NOO I didn't eat the meat dishes)...was chatting up with a guy I knew from where I worked- a patron from my library. We got to talking, which in of itself for me was a treasure and a pleasure-- the ease with which I was open and talking. BEing the true me- as Al would say :-) .

Anyway, I mentioned having a meeting I needed to be at later on and he asked what it was about--Jack would would have been proud!! I didnt blush , stammer or anything like that-- I just said -(because of WHERE we were) I cant really discuss it too much as we were in a church-- but it involved a discussion on sex. The discussion went on between him and I for about 3-4 minutes before ANOTHER guy came up and joined in our discussion. To say I had their rapt attention is putting it mildly. *grins

I wrote down the forum wesite link for them and suggested they check it out-- and if they had any questions to call me or email me and I'd be happy to talk with them. THEN the one guy totally blew my mind by HUGGING me. I just smiled.

K-- kinda gabby today huh LOL...That's been my month- in a nutshell.

Got a phone call from my half-brother earlier tonite...he said he is working with a Bob Bowles.

I just said "yeah". He replies- he wanted to say hi to you.

I said Oh, then he hung up.

For those of you wondering who I am speaking of (and I hope I am thinking of right person brother speaks of), Bob is the man who raped me many years ago.

So many thoughts run through my mind right now. The "what ifs"...

so many other things I just am not wanting to voice here right now.

the memories that are creeping :( .

*sighs

nite

Hi....been a real roller coaster ride for me the past two months-emotionally.

I am happier, free-er than I've felt in a long long time.

For a first time ever I am looking forward to the New Year....Jack, Drew and a few others will understand what I mean about that. The fear behind this is no longer there :).

I still am having my visions/lucid dreams...altho still plagued as to why.

Merry Christmas to all and a very Happy New year too

K Jack...some good news to share today.

I think my grandpa finally "got the hint" that I didn't want hugs from him anymore - since he never even tried to do that today.

He sat in chair next to mine - and for once -- I never flinched, showed any fear ... a HUGE step forward in courage for me !!! We even talked a little about my next trip to MI :).

On another issue...I got to hold n play with/feed my great-nephew , who's just starting to cut his first tooth. He didnt like his pacifier , kept spitting it out. He seemed to like my index finger though :D ...kept putting it and "gumming" it to death. I just had this huge grin on my face and so much love flowing. He has a lil cough and congestion, so I was running some healing energy to him most of the afternoon.

Feeding him...that was a learning experience as I found out he like to lay with his head near the heart so he can hear that (i think). Soon he drifted off to sleep...not for long (as you might well know [or not] infants rarely sleep for a long time frame) i laid down on the couch with him stretched out across my chest- holding the bottle while he finished it off.

For me...I am taking this as a sign that I am ready to move on...have let go of the past (fears and all).

wipes tears...so for me-- am thankful for so many things and people and most of all for myself in not giving up - for being who I am.

So to my KSMO family- I hope you all had/have a GREAT Thanksgiving .

HUGS

with love n joy

"From there on, I was in high spirits the rest of the workshop. I didn't let anything get me down...I total change from that morning. The energy n spirit of the room just filled me completely!"

K-- to continue on :)...

The energy in that room was enormous...I could hardly sit still...during breaks would go up in the open area close to speakers and I danced. The smile on my face huge as I did so. It was as if I had wings I could have flow- I felt that light and care-free. My hip was aching from sitting so much , but I didn't let that stop me from dancing and enjoying the workshop.

There was one exercise that required "a leader" for the exercise--and the group I was with - they all looked around and no one was volunteering; so I decided to step up and (once AGAIN outside my comfort zone) decided to volunteer. The looks of relief on the faces was evident n clear ..they were grateful.
I am bound to secrecy on exactly the exercise entailed- but let me just say ... it was NOT the easiest exercise we'd done--was the "most dangerous" of all of them we'd done that weekend.

Drew asked me if I was scared...and to my joy n his amazement I told him NO-that I was looking forward to it. After all that I had already been through thus far-- this to me was nothing. I was like "bring it on!!" No fear at all, but excitement. *beeming smile

k more later-- HUGS

HI...I've been through the emotional wringer the past few weeks. I shared some of it last night in the 1st chat session: Last longer in bed using the Multiple Orgasm Trigger™.

I'll try to explain more of what I said in chat.

For the one workshop, I explained that I had great fears in attending because of a few reasons : 1. the great number of people I saw signed up for the event , 2: My concerns over being able to hear the speaker (I am deaf in my right ear, severely impaired in the left) , 3. My HUGE concerns over the # of people attending and being in a closed room with them possibly triggering a panic attack.

Once signed in and got in the room, my thoughts were "OHH MY GOD!!" and I started to feel myself panic. But I didn't, just re-centered myself and walked on. Yes, I did bring my hearing aid, but with so many people talking I ended up with a HUGE headache in a few hours, so I took it out and the rest of the workshop relied ALOT on my lip reading abilities.
At one point I was far enough in the back that I couldn't hear the speaker or read his lips, and I took a HUGE step of courage and asked about seating closer to the stage. I was taken to the head organizer and Richard was really sweet ya all--gave me a special VIP tag and lead me right up to seating in front of the stage. Once I saw where he was going- I nearly wept. I just thanked him and he said from now on this is the area where I was sit.

I talked to myself and I chose to "be" a part of the workshop rather than hide and be afraid n hide. The energy shift was phenomenal. I put a lil label on my name badge letting people know I was severely hearing impaired just so I didn't have to keep repeating it every time. Everyone was just so helpful and outgoing, it made participating more fun. They were very helpful too, when I missed something the speaker said.

The energy in the room was UNbelieveable!! During breaks, I'd get up n move to loosen the stiffness and then I'd hear the music being played (I had to be close to the speakers on stage to hear it clearly) and I would dance!! yeah DANCE in front and not care who was watching me. Just feel the music and let my body sway n boogie.

As I mentioned in chat, James came up at one break -- grabbed my hand and he n I started dancing . I didnt panic-- but boy a HUGE grin and a smile and we had fun!! After that, James didnt - much to my surprise- sit far from me the rest of the workshop.

Marc-- one of the workshop co-presenters...walked by me after one break - stopped and asked me if I was coming on stage and dancing. I think my jaw dropped! A lil twinge of fear popped up but I ignored it and said "Sure Marc :) !" So I danced on stage in front of 600 other people n with several others. I was nervous, but I closed my eyes-put the crowd out of my mind and just listened to the music n danced :D .

From there on, I was in high spirits the rest of the workshop. I didn't let anything get me down...I total change from that morning. The energy n spirit of the room just filled me completely!

Almost time for church...so I'll finish this at a later time...

HUGSS

I find myself in a somewhat unfamiliar area regarding KSMO. I had lost interesting all together in wanting to orgasm...for the pleasure, the magnificence of the awing feelings it aroused in me.
In fact I am coming to realize may be regressing back to when I first chose KSMO and that was to overcome the feeling of "needing" to orgasm/have sex in order to sleep - avoid nightmares. Once I realized or became aware of what I was doing , I stepped back and really berated myself something fiercely.

Do I 'miss' practicing...to be honest - the answer is a resounding no. I never joined KSMO to learn about how to have a better sex life. (begins to cry)
It was to learn what a healthy "regular" sex life was supposed to be like.

I feel KSMO was/is more of a springboard for me--my journey has taken me to a higher plane -- beyond the metaphysical world- to an level of spiritual awareness that has me both astounded and perplexed at the same time.

I am in a world of constant amazement in the fact of the growth and bounds I've achieved- yet at the same time anxious and frustrated too when it seems like I have stalled or at a stand still. wanting to "make" something happen.

Not even with my beginning of KSMO did i ever feel the "need" to want to make orgasms happen.

*lets out pent up breath and sighs

such a dilemma...only one person whom can overcome this... and that is me.